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Jokes
"Wife Jokes!"
Two Married men debating, just who′s Wife is the worst.
I never shave says one, the wife nags me instead her tongue′s so sharp, that when she nags, I get a real close shave..
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Well my Wife is so mean that every year on our Anniversary she celebrates by throwing bricks through the windows of where we were wed?
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Yeah but does she tell you, that you are actually dead and have not got the sense to lie down and stiffen?
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Well my wife′s even made love making boring, I ask her to make it interesting, maybe moan a little, so she complains about the state of the decorating?
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Love making, I was kept on a leash so long I actually asked the Wife in desperation for a good old session the other day.
It was so long since, I was desperate to off load. In the end I said please Darling, come on do something to ease this bulge of mine, I′m desperate. She told me to lie down on the floor and open my legs.
I did she kicked me hard right between them, saying that should ease your bulge?
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The best way to have sex with a wife is to gently hold her nose when she sleeps. When her mouth opens pop two asprin in there. She′ll wake up coughing and spit them out asking what the heck′s going on.
Tell her, oh it was two Asprin?
When she asks why commenting she′s no headache you should answer good so we nothing stopping me having sex then?
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Has your Wife got sinus troubles yet though, mine has!
Every day Sinus a check for this Sinus a check for that!
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Mine keeps saying I never talk to her any more. Endless going on and on. If she would just even pause for breath even a second, I would get a chance to talk to her!
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Mine Nags so much she even talks in her damn sleep!
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My Wife is so mean and crafty with cash, I have to steal from her. The other day she wrote a list of jobs needing doing I said she should put it where I would notice it so not to forget. She put the damn note in her purse!
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My Wife is like a Record with the needle stuck Nag Nag Nag
Only time she′s quiet is when the soaps are on TV!
She even tried to poison me. Put plant food in my meals every day
Wow that′s bad, what happened
Oh my testicles grew like coconuts and my man hoods like an elephants trunk?
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I wish some one would take mine away.
Oh mine got kidnapped once!
Well what on earth did you take her back for are you mad!
No the kidnappers telephoned me in less than an hour
They offered to pay me if I would take her back I refused, so they all ran off to evade her nagging! Pity really
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It′s a pity you could not take women apart like a car and replace or remove certain parts. Damn if men could do this I would throw the battery away!
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When I got Married, on the wedding night she commented oh my that′s big! I slapped her face, boy was I mad with her!
I don′t understand why slap her face when she was complimenting you
Well, she previously told me she was a virgin!
So how did she know to comment?
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My friend called at ours the other day, I was out! She answered the door in just a towel amid getting in the bath. He said 500 cash to drop that towel. She′s so greedy without thought, she did, dropped the towel and took the cash.
When I came home I asked if he′d called, she said yes. Then I asked her if he′d left the 500 cash he owed me?
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I would not part with My Wife though! At least not until she gave me the cash she owes me!
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I had a Vasectomy my wife is so dumb she still carries condoms in her purse?
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