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Jokes
"Adult Humour Jokes"
"Unfaithful"
Arriving home early from work one day.
I heard the wife moaning upstairs.
She must be on the toilet I thought to myself!
Getting up the stairs myself,
it turned out, she was only in bed with my best friend, my Next door neighbour?
I was shocked, stunned flabberghasted, choking and stuttering.
I cried out to him How could you
I can′t comprehend, don′t understand
I mean I have to, you don′t?
Grabbing him by the bollocks and holding real tight with an iron grip, I dragged him all
the way down the stairway.
He was whimpering - you can′t thrown me out naked man.
I never
answered, instead dragged him through the kitchen.
Grabbing the largest bread knife I could
find on route. He screamed for mercy you can′t cut it off man, please!
I remained silent,
dragged him into the back garden into the shed Jammed his manhood in to my work bench vice,
and then smashed the handle off that vice!
Don′t cut it off man, please, he screamed!
Oh, I′m not going to do that I said
Picking up a can of
Lawn Mower Pertol and handing him the Knife I said you are
I′m setting the shed on fire!
Joke from Roy Chubby Brown UK Comedian
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"One and a half foot!"
On their wedding night, Young Dianne says to new hubby, If you don′t remove your socks,
I am not getting in bed at all.
Hubby is determined not to remove the socks. Dianne argues he is perhaps kinky!
Hubby eventually gives in, all right he says, I have hid this from you all through our courting days though. Look! Removing the socks, one foot is only half there!
I lost it during an accident at work he explains it embarrasses me!
Dianne runs down stairs. Ever so upset she telephones her Mom. Sobbing on the phone, she cries to her Mom, he only has a foot and a half!
Mother replies Hang on young lady, you pack your bags get back home, tell him I′m on my way over!
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Before we make Love she said, I must tell you the truth, look! She slipped off a wig and was bald
as can be! Oh that′s Ok you look sexy he replied.
Wait, but wait there is more she then said. She removed padding from her Bra slipped out her glass eye, removed a false hand removed a false leg!
I am going down stairs he said. Just, throw it down when you are ready!
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Multi floor tower block, young lad walking by, a Glass eye hits him on the head! Looking up, he
spies a Blonde lady waving frantically at him. He picks the eye up and takes it to the frantic lady.
She pops it back in and thanks him. They get chatting. He asks if he can call in again as he enjoyed
her company, he passes that way often he explains. Sure she said, I′ll keep an eye out for you then!
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Young Tommy walks into bathroom. He catches Mom in the shower. She is washing between her legs. Tommy notes blood. Mom, mom you are bleeding. She panics and tries to hide herself feeling ashamed. What happened?
Mom what happened he asks! Damn she thinks how do I explain to a youngster. Oh she said without thought. Dad got to close with the car, and the wing mirror caught and cut me. Woah shouted Tommy what a good shot he cut your willy off!
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She “that′s a nice watch”
He “ it tells me all about other people and sex”
She “ no way, well what does it say about me”
He “it says you have no underwear on”
She “well it′s wrong”
He “perhaps it′s not its half an hour slow”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Grabbing her rear, he commented, if you firm this up you could lose the support underwear
Grabbing her bust if you form this up you could lose the support bra
Grabbing his middle leg she replied, if you firm, that up we could lose the milk man the window cleaner and the odd job man?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
French man explains how he kisses his wife′s feet and she rises at least an inch of the bed with excitement?
Italian Man not wanting to be out smarted, oh I put my tongue in my wife′s naval, and she rises six inches off the bed with excitement?
Man over hearing, amid passing by comments, I wipe my self on the sheets after having sex and my wife hits the fu**ing roof?
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